llook my hands are shaking and they are numb even. my mind is completely confused. i bought 2 more my little ponies today and a carebear swing play set. i have metallicy silvery nails. i can't stop moving and rocking. i feel my eyes are plastered on this page. i wanna write a poem but i'm numb. i feel ... nothing. heehee manicness WEE! yea.... hyper. MELLOW OUT. damnit. i read my bible today. i read my bible today. had to say it twice just to believe that i did. i'm confused. silent screams rage ripping my spirit. i feel the breathing of the dead. they breathe they see they.... know. i saw eve. i saw her. she didnt hear me. she didnt see me. she was playing with the kids. the walls are closing in. i feel the whiteness draping over me. my eyes feel wet and they sting. cramp in my arm. stiffness... ahh random words coming out. automatic. not even thinking to think. did that make sense? i don't know. weird creepy monsters lurking out of the monitor. feel dirty. oh like a big pile of shit infested garbage. maggots. eye is now twitching. probably from lack of blinking. can't stop these thoughts. my fingers hurt. my eyes are watering. rocking rocking rocking rocking dont stop rocking. don't fall out of the tree. rockabye baby on the tree top. when the wind blows the cradle will stop. pressure in my head again. i feel....  odd in a sense. i forgot what i was gonna write. stab cut burn bleed feel need death peace choke my neck scream scream silently upside down twirl around dance in this little happy place i've found heeheeheeheeheeheeheeeeeeeeee. restraint restraint restraint. mommy please. please don't hurt me. quit pulling my hair. stop blaming me. i'm sorry i spilled my milk. i'm sorry i didn't be nicer. i'm sorry you had to leave. i miss you mommy. run run run away into this dark place. down the street back and forth pacing. trip and fall and cry and cry cry cry. :'( right shoulder numbing now. maybe i should stop typing. right hand shaking now. maybe i should calm my nerves. cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut sweet sweet blood fill me up i want more and more and more. pretty pretty sparkly silvery beautiful and lovely razor blade. safety pins.... not so safe when i get a hold of them HEEHEE!! oh my. OH MY. can't stop typing. back and forth. oh something crashed. wanna investigate. can't stop typing. need to sit here and type crazy crazy crazy like. all crazzzzzzzzzzy like. there is a lot of tiles on the floor. 25 that i can see. i see 25 tiles. look at all the dots on the wall. somehow they amuse me. something caught in my throat. to afraid to cough. can't make a sound. can't be heard. i was never heard. no not once. no one listened to my cries. i hurt. mommy hurt me. real bad. i feel icky. she didn't stop. didn't stop. anxious thoughts memories. oh no worship music is on. hand shaking more now. oh my god. must get control. stiff neck. puke it all up. mommy quit hurting me. where's snowdrop. i need snowdrop. i be back in a minute.  hee hee i gots him now. i need to seettlte cuz i cant stop typing oh my freaking out again. panic snowdrop say it be ok ok ok ok. make it be better. maybe in a minute or so i feel ok again. oopsies i b squishing his chest. he can't breathe.  i be sorry so sorry. purity come back honey. its ok. i wont abandon you again. its sick and wrong. sorry sorry sorry. twitchy twitch twitch. falling down. oh my ghogd ogoing to hell oh ym good. im sorry. somethin gfereleefgefeels wrong. i feel very wrong. and not good. and icky inside. my head hurts. i see blood. i want to close my ears and eyes. rememmber everything everything everythig. it doesnt stop. it wont go wawyaway. away. LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME BE. I WANNA BE FREE. SO TRAPPED INSIDE I CANT BE FREE, LIES TRUTH LIES. truth truth truth war lies war lies surrender die die diedddddddddddddddddddd d d d d  d d d d d dd d dd d d dd dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd drepeart reapeart repeat damni t cant stppel right anymore spell S P E L L start over. need to commit. need to commit what. afraid to finish that sentence. what if i do it. i wont though. im confusedc dagain. and my headdddddd. i want to kill something. i want to hurt myself alot. over and over over over over over overt over ove roveotr vfeog aeolrgighoalihaeHWGz beep beep beep beep beep  beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep hahahhaa dont look atme im ok i swear nothing is ok but nothing is wrong not makun sense again. needa b in a plac by miself sumthion so tired nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww i taste blood teeth against theinside of my thought thatwas supposed to say mojuhh mpuh mouth ok kkkkk all done now bye bue